I wanted to be like everyone else, maybe because I had no help in understanding myself.
I was everyone else. Everyone else was me.
Yet when I greet someone in my “everyone else” character I wish I could be myself too.
Words are not just in the head
Words are not only in the mouth
It’s all connected. It’s connected by spirit.
I believe that if we didn’t have vocal chords, not only could we not speak, but we would not be able to think either. I believe that the vocal chords give us the power of our thinking words. I could be wrong. But there is a point where loud thinking moves the vocal chords ever so slightly.
I had a bad experience with my father once. He kept picking on me, trying to pick a fight with me. All I ever wanted from him was love. I was crushed and broken, Ii became depressed and I had issues with my own voice. How could my voice say those things? It was now what I wanted. No, no, no.
Just to survive more than anything else I had to be a person by being like everyone else. I failed, I was, I am, self-protective without even thinking to be. The hardest thing for me to do, is to be myself.
