In love: I have the voice of a dead dog on the bright cold full moon drowning. The dog comes to life without a belly, a vertebra, in a coarse hide of dog hair that groans quietly in the brown night, musky and sad-eyed.
In love: I am a hand full of salt thrown at a woman.
I have the voice of a black lacquered cardboard wireless sound cone, home of the metal spider.
Her long porcelain swan neck cracks, her eyes float off, they pierce into me.
In love: I am the bomb blasted bits of a body disintegrating into nothingness, with droplets of flesh and blood evaporating into the Nagasaki sun.
In love: I am the reflection cut out of the mirror with scissors and placed on a billboard where at the slightest touch of the wind that blows through the whole advertisement vanishes.
In love: I am a castle with a soldier on the battlements filling his bow with rubber arrows to fend off the elephant’s stone desires.
I crawl and scrawl through the city of dreams like half of a prickly casing of a sea urchin housing carried by a red muddy turtle.
How swollen together are the steel gates of my vocal cords, how chained to the wall are my kisses. How like a doormat is my heart – do not say “forever”.
A dream is a fire tool, but it needs special material to make it work afterwards; to make it merge with reality; to make it react with the magic of suggestive items; to blend its shadows into them; to hook up into the heart a new biological drive of abandoned motivations and lost hopes.
I remember the terror of seeing my father’s death often. I became like a wooden cabin wall surrounding him, then maybe I became a coffin, is he inside still dying, living, dying, living, dying and there is enormous grief, storm clouds of grief, horror, terror at the prospect of life-ending, that tomorrow comes too soon.