The Great Gnome Fiasco

The gnome mobile knee-deep with top-secret documents about the French Gnome Liberation front is sailing on a halo of water across the English Channel.

When the spectacle of the pig-headed sea captain made of cuttlebone in a ship’s cabin where a crystal chandelier glitters over the sea in the night as he beaches his boat where loose pickle packers in a heap of cucumbers from a tribe of true blue Britons from the court of King Andy Pandy are caught in handcuffs by P.C. Christine the Great with aching feet festooned with fish faces that face the festering facades of the London republic of Urcha

Then appeared a blue carnival float stuffed with Gnomes dancing with a plethora of naked dusky beauty queens who dined on plastic hotdogs as policemen followed a strange trail of Gnomes eyes that shone in the night and collected them in jam jars donated by the Salvation Army who after periods of anxiety in the linen cupboard of life were French secret agents working as char ladies.

Oh, it was a lovely fiasco when Diamond Dan the fly picker was banned from the street corner for dressing in stockings and suspenders that sparkled like a searchlights energy from the deep thoughts of screaming girl fanatics who chased their housing officers through the abandoned council offices where the Gnomes slept on burning rag bundles to keep warm.

Oh, it was a lovely fiasco to blame the Lord Mayor of Urcha to stop him keeping his collection of London buses crammed with the carcasses of Gnomes in the gangways that became mounds of money in the moonlight that bounced of the bosom of the body snatchers from the Medical College. Whose liaisons with the Water Board Officials in the big boarding houses on Highbury Hill that put at peril the secrets of the Gnome secret nation.

Oh, the fiasco inflated newspapers and floated like fairies in fairy lights for yonks through the ether of their ephemeral ethics that oozed from the enigmas that emerged like German sausages from their refurbished tea machines.


In the year 2000, The Garden Gnomes Liberation Front was said to be responsible for stealing 288 figurines from lawns in the French town of Sarebourg. Police are reuniting owners with the statues, including 5 snow whites and a footballer which were found in a wood.

Author: blackbird212012

I am interested in multimedia work: songwriting, art, and creative writing. I have been involved also in theatre and music performances.

2 thoughts on “The Great Gnome Fiasco”

  1. This is wonderful! So surreal and with such brilliant use of language. A performance poem for sure. It reminds me of the work of the Mersey Poets from the 60s.


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