The song is in there, it has to be smoothed out, like when you used to get chocolate bars wrapped in tin-foil and you’d smooth them out with your fingers.
Firstly I discovered that by putting in triplets I got the rhythm in place. I’m still not sure about the melody and I keep looking for ways to beef it up a bit. I keep changing the chord progression.
The second part of the second (super) verse is beginning to shape up in a completely different way. It is though a contrast to the first (super) verse of Chris’ poem. It amazes me that she maybe unconsciously formed the poem that way.
At first, I was going to make verse 1 to the minor key and verse 2 to the major key but . . . it’s too rigid that way I think.
The chorus I like it now, but because it is so short I repeat it. Also, the song is only going to last about two minutes and I wonder if this is too short.
The guitar rhythm part is a little better than it was. It too goes through a lot of changes.
Mikes New Web 