It’s too cold to go cooking in the kitchen
So I’m sitting here frozen on the mat
To tell the tale of the twitching, bewitching
The tale of the impractical cat
Who would flip a cat flap in a flicker
As a boxer would beat up a body bag
But one night its cold draught it was drinking
Draining the blood from his big-eyed head
Paying jolly games like a gymnast
Every mealtime, mauky and pawing
-Then shooting out through the cat flap
-Then shooting back for a cat nap
Then in the haze of the silvery moonlight
In the hallway hanging icicle white
Was the ogre all cats dread in their sleep
A hedgehoggy, ghost-moggy, sight
As icy as an icicle ice-sheet
That likes to frighten naughty cats to the teeth
Producing that effect of electricity
You imagine but never see
Cats running faster than a train at high speed
Like bolts of lightning through clumps of pins
Oh, the impractical cat never left the mat
After such a scare as frightful as that
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