A hard fried egg

Have you ever seen
A hard fried egg
Stuck to a wall
Have you tried to scrape it off
With a palette knife
And stab it with a plastic spoon
But it won’t move
It won’t move at all

Have you ever been down
To sunset reach
And seen hard fried eggs everywhere
Sitting around playing
Their tune-o-matic guitars
Or falling down your trouser legs
Or living under your driveway cars

Have you ever seen
A hard fried egg
Stapled to a chair
Talking by telekinesis
In their floral underwear
Do you look for them
On the ceiling
Or see them
Writing banners
In a dark car park
Or being on sale in Harrods
Or chasing after sharks

Did you ever have a hard fried egg
Crawl under your freezer
And fall asleep there
And start talking in its dreams

Did a hard fried egg
Replace your baby
Did Mr Punch
Chase it
Out of school
Did Mr Policeman hit it
With a truncheon
Did it have a wooden leg
And sit upon a milking stool

Once I saw one singing on telly
It made a sound like bubble and squeak
And it loved to hear the jazz of George Melly
And I’d wait in expectation all week

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