An inner voice
An inner lawman
“They made me do it”
The inner law
Is a real shadow
In the blood-red moon
To an inner guide
He’s obedient and wise
But it makes him cry inside
It snaps the chains
It cuts the cords
Of his accord
His agreement is lost
He doesn’t agree
With himself
But he tries
To please the lawman
That talks
Through his mouth
Pouring out his shredded memories
Of boyhood photo dreams
He didn’t mean to
It was half a dream
And half of a back door
Into the relics
Of his humanity
His lawful
Legal humanity
Compressed
Into someone else’s vanity
Recycled
By someone else’s
Heavy-handed law
Well
Just explore
Tip out
His puzzle
Onto the floor
Half of the pieces
Are yours
One more step
And I would break
Oh my axeman father
One more pavement slab
Closer
And I would become
A solution
In your gun
One more
Robot step
Forward
One more
Raygun blast
Of your hate
And you could use me
As paste
One more
Step forward
Into
Your sons
No-man’s land
And
You will
No longer
Be a man
The shellfire
Fell for years
Upon the disc
Of my
Darkened sun
How long is war
How long is childhood
The partisan
In the family
Hid in shadows
Moved careful
Through the hate
As real
As death
As weak as breath
If I hold my
Breath
Long enough
He will leave
I will die
The heavy guns
Will cease
Like a new year’s eve
Of any day
Of the ammunition’s
Ceasefire
My will and my blood
Are on fire
Are my attire
In the extravagance
Of fathers war
He tore up
The page
Of my days
But I named
Each piece
With a word
Absurd
I needed a grid
System
I needed
The impossible
Look close
At the dustpan
Do you see?
A few paper pieces
Of me
I would go out
And search for help
I was the scout
And the wagon train
Was
Caught in the rain
Social workers in war paint
Psychiatrist
Hiding in the streets
My wagon wheels
Were rolling
Towards love
I would go out
And run about
From tree to tree
Mad birds
Would follow me
I’d pick holes
In the sky
I’d try
To die
In a tramps
Old coat
I would go out
I would become
Tall grass
The sun
Would blast
On my
Cratered moon
My brow
Would swelter
Melting my
Brain
Insane boy
Joy
I can never leave
Those days behind
People are unkind
They act
Like him
The continents collide
Inside
Volcanoes rise
The bad times
Resurface
The good times
Slide
Beneath
The inner tide
Un-rhymed
Can happiness
Rhyme
Will unhappiness die?
The child part of me
Is like a criminal
Running from my dad’s back hand
The landslide of his
Disguise
His sainthood of blood and mud
His war throne
Where he sat alone
Where white bats
With wings of fire
Left their carrion
On the wire
The childhood part of me
Is the criminal
The unreal is real
The dungeon
Where the nightmare
Thrives
Is where he put me
As he
Ate the tops of snow-covered mountains
His feet dragged thru the slime
And if he knew
The way I felt
He’d resign
Forgiveness comes
When the fire
Has burnt out
How many fires
Were burning
In the night
When at last
I can kick at the ashes and say
It’s over
When will that day come
Will it ever?
My angry fire
May die
But other fires
May last forever
I’m thinking of my mom
She got hurt more
Than anyone
Especially
On the day
He killed her
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