I tried too hard to give you my heart

I tried too hard to give you my heart
The remembered days that live in there
The delusions that seem so real to me
The truth that seems a lie to you

I’ve preserved my sanity in a memorial dream
I sent it by spacecraft into my hearts endless space
In a metal safe box as hard as titanium
In a container as small and soft as a bird

I’ve tried to give my heart to you
Its dusty dark streets where children play till late
Its realisations about my cherished beliefs

Its trust in giants, in gods, and heroes
Though some of the blood was poured away
Thick and hot onto the sacrificial floor
This I did when I knew you too well

I’ve tried to give you my heart
To you who exist in thousands of disguises
I try my desires on you
You flicker, flicker, flicker

In and out of reality
Back and forth from your book to your overcoat
You’ve walked out the door
Before I’ve even finished and you’re gone

I’ve tried to speak truly of paradise
Though but a single candle flame of it exists
In all the world in its time and its space
I’ve known it, I’ve known it, I’ve known it

Ring Dove

Every day, every time I see you, you’ve changed, getting
older, turning into a Ring Dove. There’s one in my garden
now, a complete Ring Dove, round, fat and feathered.

Every time I see you, I notice the changes. Once you were a
shapely young girl, but now, I see your figure going; a ring
around your neck appearing; soon you will turn grey, you’re
legs will shrivel and grow claws; your bustle will grow big
enough to support wings; then you will find yourself in the
garden, scratching around for food.

The Hollow Oak

Into the hollow oak
On Richmond park
You ran laughing
At the dry wood
Pressing your body inside
Hiding in its hollow
That stands in the ground
Like a half-buried dugout
Gutted by lightning
Heartwood long vanished.
Again, it is tested by fire
As the sparks of your eyes
Ignite invisible flames
I am drawn inside

Flattened against the old grey wood
Like new living heartwood
Warm, full of breath and speech
You filled the old hollow tree
With a beating heart
You made it seem like laughter
Was rising up through its stems
Then- I became that hollow tree
I felt your love inside of me
Pressed with laughter against my ribs
My hollowness, my empty crib

The name of love

The name of love was a lost name
Lost on the wave of the ocean
The name of love was everlasting
Burning like fire in a mist-cloud
You breathed a breath of life
And the cloud blew away
I looked into your eyes
And love came my way

The name of love was energy
Covered by clouds of a dark time
The name of love inspired dreams
That came to life like wings of fire
Your tears filled the countryside like rain
Your laughter filled the woodlands like the sun
All I know is I had no pain
That loving you was love and love was fun

You smiled your smile
You moved your moves
You danced your dance
In your little shoes

Though my heart was broken in two
It began to mend when I met you

The name of love

When I met you

The name of love

A light – golden

A light – golden

A light – golden
more golden than the eye can detect
Follows you in, is one of you
Are more than you!

A light older than the earth
Its energy, pure, refined like love
Happiness, greater than time
Yet it is such a minor light, a little light

A feeling felt, sensed of this light
Of happiness, love bound up, glowing

Following you as you go in
But seems unseen by everyone
Invisible, is too much light to be seen by you
The secret part of light, the heat of light
Another light, a guiding fleck of light
I almost saw the form of a man
Much later, as I remember
The feeling the light had
Of guiding you, like two blind men
“At last, about time, got you here”
Not seeing it, presenting me to you

Then left or seemed to leave
Vanished into the night, hurrying away
Bowed out un-noticed by you

You stepped through the doorway
Full of yourselves, smiling professionally
You’d just about made it here not knowing why or how
And you walked in the door without a goodbye

A long-time empty in my mind

The tear has travelled a long way
A long way home to find
The heart was a long time empty
A long-time empty in my mind

Down the roads across the skies
Who knows how many times?
It lost its way and began again
A long-time empty in my mind

I miss the love I thought I knew
I miss the life I had
Like a train can lose its carriage
And rolls on feelings bad

So you cut a hole into my life
And staked me to the ground
There is no freedom in my heart
When you’re not around

The tear has travelled a long way
A long way home to the town
The shadow that I left behind
With the knife stuck in the ground

Insanity has grown in me

Insanity has grown in me
Dumb as dead dogs on broken stars

Someone filled my heart with bangers
Then closed the wound with a spiders thread

I sense my mind getting small and alone
A perpetual machine of inner war

The bit between my teeth pulls tight
I eat my screams and latch shut a smile

Is there any way back to the broken home
With the balsam of love and laughter

The broken home held together

For the sake of the children

 

 

 

The college photocopier

The college photocopier

The college photocopier opened its green blinking eye
On its back was a ton of photocopier paper
Bowed under the weight it ate but it did not digest
All its lifeblood was spread across those pages

The college photocopier
Bolted through the doors into the night
It ran with rats through the city drains
It followed foxes through the woodlands

A posse of teachers ran after it brandishing staple guns
The college was in uproar
Students demanded handouts
The engineer came but knew nothing of photocopiers in the wild

Now it would live the rest of its life
Concealed in the undergrowth like a small deer

If I live to be a thousand

If I live to be a thousand I’ll never understand the hollow people
The ones you see right through; the ones camouflaged with normality.
They talk about themselves and it all seems fine
But their words are like spades digging out you soul

A loved one in need

A loved one in need feeds on your blood
Leaves you anaemic, your marrow like mud.
The one you love best, sweet anarchic child
She’s drunk on your blood; it makes her go wild.

The more that you give her, the wilder she gets
Her teeth cut deeper…. into your neck.
It’s daytime at last, you sit by her grave
Your tears fall like rain – for a love – you can’t save.

HOW I LOVE THAT GIRL

How I love that girl
she means the world to me
But I have been betrayed
by false friends and traitors
Who downgraded me
in her lovely eyes
Who treated me like dirt
to cause me ill feeling

How I love that girl
she means the world to me
But my honour is tarnished
by two faced treachery
Those who with responsible jobs
have misused their power
To condemn me as worthless
without a word from me

How I love that girl
She means the world to me
But how will I ever know
I meant the same to her
Because of interfering do-gooders
Loves course has been divided
I into the wilderness
She into her tricked conscience

How I love that girl
She means the world to me
But my love has been rejected
and maligned by self-righteousness
That belongs to people with stone for hearts
who play god with others’ lives
Who think that love can come and go
just as they can command or trick

How I love that girl
she means the world to me
But how will I ever know
the course our love would have taken
When those that purporting to guard my soul
against recklessness and sin
Have wounded the very spirit
that keeps it alive

Dec 8

Oh my love, here I am, because of you

I went into a courtroom
Somewhere in the sky
I didn’t speak to no one
I didn’t even try
The people swam like fish
A hook was hanging down
It turned into a slaughterhouse
With carcasses moving round

Oh my love
Here I am
Because of you

I went into a lecture room
To listen to a cloud
It spoke with bolts of lightening
As it pranced across the ground
I saw a pile of teenagers
Their bodies heaped up high
My gills turned into water
My moths began to cry

Oh my love
Here I am
Because of you

I went into a temple
Somewhere in Languedoc
I saw a strange mosquito
preaching from a rock
A fishing boat was passing
With passengers dressed in white
Singing Halleluiah
Into the falling night

Oh my love
Here I am
Because of you

The locust men were following me
in the tunnel of a drain
Where stacked up just like firewood
Were the engines of a train
I climbed a fallout shelter
With it’s balustrade of fog
Where a circle of strange sailors sing
Drinking bowls of grog

Oh my love
Here I am
Because of you

I went into bed and breakfast
for serpents of all kinds
I knew that you were with me
In a suitcase full of signs
The last thing I remember
Was the crows of Hackney Wick
Rising up like Satan’s flames
To the tick tock tick tock tick

Oh my love
Here I am
Because of you

Here are an audio and a PDF of the poem/song

ohmy love, here I am, because of you

I shattered the light

I shattered the light and there I saw her
– long hair like a waterfall.

I shattered the night and there – looked for her,
for long, long years I called.

and like a schoolboy from the lower grade
I searched the classrooms in your heart
like a bird from the frozen grave
I flew, but then it fell apart, within me.

I shattered the light and there I saw her
– long hair like a waterfall.

I shattered the night and there searched everywhere
along the endless ruined wall.

Song: Neglected Boy

The neglected boy

He really doesn’t know
Is there
Love across the ocean
Love across the sea
Doesn’t seem to be waiting
Anywhere near me

You really don’t know
What you’re doing
Do you?
I mean
You’ve got your orders
You’ve got your papers
To complete

But after spending
All day at your desk
You get out into the street
And there’s something
In the sunshine
That overwhelms you

The neglected boy

Love
It has no north or south
No sun or moon
Love
It has no eyes or mouth
And it thinks outside
Of its balloon

That’s all you know

Neglected boy

 

AN UNFINISHED VERSION 1



A partial Music sheet in PDF
Neglected Boy 1

 

AN UNFINISHED VERSION 2



A partial music sheet in PDF
Neglected Boy 2

 

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